Monday, January 26, 2015

JOURNAL (DIARY) ENTRY: The internet is a weird and demanding place

Ugly words fly across comment boards, chat rooms, twitter handles and the like. Readily I admit that criticism can be a positive influence for change, but care must be given. It is never easy to receive negative words, especially if they are sugar coated and dripping with malice.

Let's not pretend that I'm perfect so that we can both agree I'm not hiding behind a pious keyboard. No, I have too many faults to count and would rather not be the one to display too many of them here. However, for the sake of the conversation let's delve into a conversation  I had with a new friend about trolls and my looks.

Today, I had a new friend mention how nicely I can clean up. This turn of phrase, for my English as a second language readers, basically means that I look pretty sometimes, when I try. He didn't say it in so many words, but it did start a random conversation between us. My friend asked me why I didn't make much of an attempt to dress up for my many YouTube videos. In a hurry to justify something that I'd never really put much thought into; I went on talking about a bunch of random nonsensical reasons, but really it is no one reason. Also who cares?

I care about what people think but don't want to dwell too much. I'm not a public figure and have no real desire for fame. Besides even in videos where I do put in some effort, I still get trolled, everyone does.

So the reason why I do not dress up for YouTube comes down to a mixture of laziness, timing,  wanting to get content out, and simply that I do not always look my best. I work behind a computer and spend the rest of my time exercising or playing with a puppy. None of those things really demands that I wear makeup, in fact, it's a little gross to wear makeup and sweat.

I'm aware that many people who read this will judge me harshly, but again why do I need to impress you? Most people get dressed up to date or make a good impression. Considering most of my content is aimed to teach and not focus on my looks, part of me wonders if I wouldn't attract more of the wrong kind of attention by trying too hard. Besides, if I am to be honest: I'm not well endowed, I'm pretty but by no means model material, and may not be the geekiest girl on the block. Let's agree that I'm not going to attempt to impress you with my looks and if I happen to look nice online now and again it's a bonus.

For any naive men out there: Yes, light makeup and hair make a difference.

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Senior UI/UX web designer at a large-scale IT contractor for defense, intelligence, and civilian government solutions. Adventurist and certified Yoga / Barre Instructor. Love aviation, books, and travel.Prefer long light hearted series in mystery, comedy, fantasy, and romance.

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